But… Baby, It’s Cold Outside

I really can’t stay (but baby it’s cold outside)

I’ve got to go away (but baby it’s cold outside)

We know the one, this old time duet describes an interaction between two people who are negotiating the next step of their evening and I just can’t resist but to blahg a bit about this classic holiday tune.  Something about this song has irked me through the past several holiday seasons, so here goes…

This song illustrates a situation in which a man is trying his hardest to encourage a woman to stay just a little longer, and the woman duly refuses, raising every reason to leave that she can muster up.  Now, the energy of this song does not strike me as a situation in which the woman does not actually want to stay longer with this man, however, the compulsion to refuse so vehemently, only to ultimately succumb illuminates a much deeper issue in our engrained sexual dynamics.

"But Becky," you say, "it’s an old song and that’s just how it was done back then, it’s not what happens nowadays, and it’s just a song, so what's the big deal?"  

And to that I say... yes, while certainly dated, having been originally introduced to the holiday song scene in 1936, I appreciate that this song is a product of its time, and a depiction of a very “traditional” scene between man and woman.  Why, therefore, am I even bringing this up?

Well, because… what we see and hear in our popular culture, we inevitably think on a subconscious level, and it always deserves a second think-through in order to analyze what these messages mean and how we absorb them.  

(You all will certainly hear more about my views of the power of mass media for positive social change that is currently being irresponsibly used to reinforce negative messages in upcoming blahgs.)

I simply must go (Baby, it's cold outside)

The answer is no (Ooh baby, it's cold outside)

We all have to change the way we communicate about sex so that the true meaning of “no” is understood and agreed upon by all parties. 

Here we have a woman who is socialized to exert her “proper” and “chaste” womanhood by resisting for the sake of appeasing her conscience and her family, as she describes.  Simultaneously, we have a man who has been socialized to recognize this dissent as a predicament of conscience on her part and to assert his “manhood” until she says yes.

While in this particular case, as in many in real life, this is a situation in which the woman initially says no, even though she desires what she refuses, and the man, playing along with this “game”, persists.  It is not difficult to imagine how this problem easily can and often does lead to some genuinely undesired situations and some likely confusion all around.

This is a problem that can hardly be blamed on men, women, or any particular person, but rather, the culture of sexual dynamics that we function within that ultimately contributes to the epidemic of sexual assault in our society.  And even more importantly, it's an issue that negatively impacts each and every one of us, and therefore must be pondered in a very deep way.

Way too many sexual assault situations stem from misunderstanding and lack of communication between the people involved and it’s high time that we make some changes.  With comprehensive sexual health education, and an increased ability to discuss feelings honestly when it comes to sex, we can empower people to engage in healthy and consensual intimacy in their lives.

My point here, as always, is not to ruin this holiday traditional song, but to invite everyone reading this blahg to constantly be thinking critically about the messages that are embedded in our popular culture and mass media outlets. Subtle and rooted as they may be, as in the case with “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”, these messages impact the way we think, undeniably, and must therefore be analyzed.

But baby, it’s cold outside… Yes, and I am an independent and empowered woman and I would love nothing more than to stay and have another drink with you.

(Special shout out to Mom, Dad, Rachael, Shoshi, and Kanoa, who, as a result of these discussions have likely had "Baby, It's Cold Outside" stuck in their heads for the past three straight days. Thanks for being patient!)