You Just Keep on Hoping They Serve Beer in Hell, Mr. Max

Never have I been so pleased or proud that an organization that I love and respect, Planned Parenthood, did NOT get half a million dollars.

Ick.

Last week Ryan Holiday, financial strategist of the best-selling author Tucker Max, facetiously suggested to the writer that he donate $500,000 to Planned Parenthood in an effort to reduce his tax burden and to clean up his contemptible public reputation in many circles who, you know, respect women. After thinking it over for a few days, Tucker Max agreed.

You see, Tucker Max, author of “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” has found his fame and fortune by writing his real-life stories of chauvinism, excessive alcohol imbibing, targeted and competitive womanizing, and behavior that very easily constitutes sexual assault. The fact that our society so readily and enthusiastically consumes this material, enough to make him a best-selling author is another issue worth discussing… in another blahg though.

I’d like to take a moment to highlight the phenomenal statement of solidarity and steadfast commitment to the principle of the matter by Planned Parenthood. Initially excited by the prospect of a major financial donation in a time of great need (particularly in Texas, the state that was dangerously close to being the home of “The Tucker Max Planned Parenthood Clinic”), our beloved pro-woman organization put a halt to the madness.

A few summers ago, in an effort to familiarize myself with his work, I did indeed read quite a bit of one of his vile volumes. (Know thy enemy.) I plowed through story after story of his “escapades”. 

Here are a few choice quotes from his work:

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“Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.”—His winning personality.

“There is a girl lying next to me on the bed, shaking me, saying something. She is not happy. She is also not skinny. Or attractive. She may not even be human.”—That last line is particularly repugnant.

“After about 6 shots, she tells me, ‘I think I am getting really drunk. I always do stupid things when I’m drunk.’ Strike up the band, we have a winner.”—No, sir. You will never, ever win.

“How long have you known women? Dude–They’re all whores. Except our mothers.”—Solid message for our daughters here……..

“No seriously, I will probably just come on your back, then get dressed and leave. And I’ll probably break some trinket of yours on my way out, just to show my disdain for you.”—I can’t even sarcastically comment on this one.

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You may not be surprised that I didn’t make it through the whole book. Indeed, right then and there I committed my life to counteracting these despicable, degrading, and destructive messages.

Particularly poignant with regard to Planned Parenthood, we have one more comment from our loathsome friend, “Planned Parenthood would be cooler if it was a giant flight of stairs, w/someone pushing girls down, like a water park slide”—tweeted by Tucker Max in July 2011.

So let me offer my profound gratitude and kudos to Planned Parenthood for taking a stand against this writer and all of the social ills that he represents and encourages. We will not abide by such abhorrent behavior and the promulgation of disrespect and sexual objectification of women in our society. Our honorable Planned Parenthood will not be the dumping grounds for the disreputable Tucker Max to “rehabilitate some of [his] PR”, a sentiment expressed by his strategist Ryan Holiday in his frustrated Forbes.com post.

To help make up for the high-principled sacrifice on Planned Parenthood’s part, feel free to help condone the act and send the message that we don’t need one penny from the reprehensible Tucker Max by donating to Planned Parenthood!



Thanks to Ben for bringing this exciting news to my attention, and to Thesaurus.com for many choice words to describe my feelings about Tucker Max.